I drive.

Headlights out. Windows up. Engine off. I remember one of my fondest escapades was with my ex in his car. In an open field parking lot one Friday night. If I remember correctly, this was even the first time we got frisky. It began after dinner, over which we talked about dreams. Yes. Being enamored over someone can turn me into an innocent sap, sweet and seemingly harmless. Seemingly. Come to think of it, I don't really remember how we got around to kicking off the game that night. All I remember was after dinner, we drove around the city. My hand would be on his hand as he held his stick. Not his dick. Not yet. Then I would steal his lips with kisses on the red light. There were a lot of red lights. Before we know it, My hand was already driving his shaft.

Oh, foreplay. I love playing with the eagerness and intensifying the longing, the lust. I would have the opposite case of Cher - desire doesn't make me weak. It makes me horny. I also am a bit of a penchant for danger. I like being risky with my frisky. I like sex in places where I can get caught. I like being illicit where other people would have no idea of what is actually going on. And if you guessed that I was already giving head to my ex as he drove, give yourself a pat on the back. Judging from his hard on, his eagerness was way off the charts and deep into my throat.

I could hear him moan in slow deep breaths as my oral vacuum took in his throbbing sensation. The radio was off and all we heard were the melody of rubber buzzing the road, while the darkness was teased by the glitter of the traffic - black with moving spots of reds in circles, squares, and rectangles. Every few gulps, I'd breathe with my mouth and the air dribbled slurp sounds with the saliva. Then I'd pull out, and lick the sweet tip of his manhood. "We have to stop somewhere. Jesus, I can't concentrate."

"I am dangerous." I smiled.

We crossed one of the major highways to a then-newly developed area making room for cosmopolitan urban dwellers. The party scene in this area was slowly growing, hence every few days, there would be a major event in one of the fields, bars, or concert areas. Beside one such venue was an open field parking lot. Guards would patrol the area, but it was too vast and on that night, the whole party population of the town relocated there. It was so full to the brim, we ended up parking at the dark end where the grassy patches melted with the semi slushy mud, far from the guard and the guardhouse. I finished him. Then he finished me. Our towels were in our gym bags inside his trunk. But we managed to keep clean thanks to a bird called swallow. Yet, despite my promiscuity and all the adventures I've gone through, I have a confession to make. I have never received head while I drove. Never.

Then tonight happened.

I believe I have reached that age when younger guys are finding me more attractive than threatening. As much as I would hate to admit it, even though I am still in my 20's, I think I am already transitioning into the role of the older man. Most of the guys expressing interest lately are of the younger variety. I guess I should be flattered, there's quite a lot of them at the moment. And the first one who got the farthest was the most recent one I've met. Just this afternoon when I hung out with some friends.

He's in his early 20's. Really early 20's. Still a student. Simple. Shy. Sexy. He was a mix of what I'd like and what I avoid. For the most part of the hang he was quiet. Then the group had to disperse. He lived the same direction as my home, so I offered to have him ride with me. That was when he began to talk. He laid his cards down and admitted having a thing for me. I laid my cards down too. I wasn't in any position to jump into a relationship anytime soon plus some other details about what my types are, who my crushes are, among other things. We shared brief backgrounds. Then the words "do something" came up. Next thing I know, his hand was crawling up my thigh. And the buses ran faster, the honks got louder, the night grew darker, but the only thing that mattered was how his mouth drove my ride.

And that was one item off my bucket list.

The nick of time.

Photo finishing never fails to give me that flush of exhilaration an orgasm short of fulfillment. Then again if the photo finish does involve an orgasm, well... There I have it.

On the account that work has been pretty loaded the past few day and that my boss had to go to his doctor for a check-up, I found my Wednesday afternoon pretty, vacant. The internet can only do so much and between the messages, posts, and adds, I was longing to be poked by a real human person beside me (preferably someone I sort of fancy). Quickly I scrolled through my online contacts in the hopes of finding someone to hangout with. Of course personal bias and judgement reigned over my mouse as I scrolled through my list. Too busy. Too boring. Too fat. Too gay. Too girl. Too straight. Too married. Too emo. Too sad. Too happy. Too fake. Too chummy. Too close - perfect.

Doormat. I like him. I like his energy. I like talking to him. He lives nearby. And last I checked, he likes me. I clicked on his name and shared pleasantries from "hi" to "let's eat" to "lemme pick you up at your place". In less than ten minutes (told you he lives nearby) I was dinging his doorbell/buzzer. He opened the door with a jolly "Come in! Come in!" but he stood behind his closet door. He was getting a shirt to cover up his pumped-up chest. "Fresh from the gym... Perfect." I said to myself.

"I think you owe me a hug?" I said. We sorta go a wee bit back (not yet way back) so this hug was coming from some other episode I have yet to write.

And hug we did. Then kiss we did. Then shirts off we did. Then shoes off we did. Then pants off we did. Then underwear off we did. Then on the bed we went. Doormat paused for a brief moment. "This is wrong." "Why?" I asked. "Do you have a boyfriend?" He looked at me, smiled and said "Almost." And continue we did.

He didn't expect what happened to happen. I didn't expect to have gone far myself. I think I went farther than I should have. But seriously, that moment called for it. And I am glad I did. I am glad we did.

Then I laid face down as he put his weight over my back. He breathed through his mouth a few whispers from my ear. My eyes focused on the door, waiting for someone to turn it. Then it happened. I began talking about myself. My vulnerable self. At that moment, I felt like I was talking to a boyfriend. My boyfriend. It was sweet. And for the first time in five years, my guard was down. It was one of those moments when I wish I could reach out to the center of the clock, and rest finger on the path of the second hand so it won't go any further. I could stay like that forever.

But forever was not an option. And a climax must be reached. Dinner was fast approaching. And our phones were beeping. The computer kept beeping. The cars on the traffic down the streets kept beeping. Sooner or later, Doormat will be taken. And I would have lost another could-have-been. And I would still remain alone.

I finished for him. And he gave me one of the most generous compliment I have ever gotten in years.

"You have a very hot cum face."

I gave him a smile as forever just ended, and we were back to reality.

Come together.

My interactions in the sauna or steam room mostly revolve around attraction and mood. There are some men I find questionably palatable, but I give in. There are some that I really wouldn't even imagine entertaining the possibility of contact. Consider this an admission of being picky. Or choosy, whichever is more used in your locale. But yeah, I tend to interact with men I find attractive to my consideration. After years of being part of this one fitness club, I'm pretty sure most of the sauna/steam room regulars have identified cliques and circles. Certain cliques even avoid other cliques. Very high school. Sometimes however, one person from one clique may fancy someone form another, and the result is a more private interaction. On other times, it can even bring certain cliques and individuals together. Last night was one such night.

I had just finished rinsing from the showers and was about to get a drink from the fountain when this one guy whom I have seen for the first time gives me a smile. Normally I avoid gazes and feign disinterest. But he stood too close to the fountain and my glace seemed friendlier to him than usual. Always prone to being misunderstood. After I drink, I made my way to the sauna. Inside, the bulb was out and there were five individuals scattered. As I took my seat, I identified each one as queer. And no, I haven't done it with all of them. Just to be clear.

Smily guy was out of sight. I figured, he must have gone to the steam room. My seat was one ass away from the tinted fiberglass door. I had a good view of the wet floor and whoever was coming in. One of the shower doors opened and out came smily guy. And he was headed for the sauna. When he got in, he took the space to my left and wasted no time making contact. He let the edge of his right hand touch the edge of my left hand which was resting by the edge of my seat. I pulled it to my lap after a few seconds. As I wiped my forehead, my eyes nearly popped out as I felt his had grab my penis.

Everyone was watching. He began stroking me. The guy seated across him moved towards him and began to give him head. The guy across me stood up and took to my right. He looked at the clearance outside then proceeded to lick my nipples. The other guy by the door across us began to touch himself. The guy sucking shifted seats and began to blow the thin guy form behind him. Smily guy gave me head. Guy to my right asked if I kiss. I wasn't up to it so I told him I had mouth ulcers. As smily guy moved up to lick my nipples, guy to my right takes me into his mouth. My soreness from the workout I had just done gave way to the sensation I was now enjoying. Sucking guy then moved back to smily guy. Smily guy pulls him up and they share a French. He whispered loudly "Do you swallow?" Then sucking guy went straight for smily guy till he moaned. Sucker pulled his lips away from smily guy's tool as he drooled a bit of his cum. He then used his fingers and wiped each drop all back in. Smily guy gives me a kiss then stands up and leaves. Al this time, thin guy masturbated his way into orgasm and came on sucker guy's right shoulder. Guy to my right moved to my left and began to suck me off. Sucker guy headed for guy to my left (guy from my right earlier) and made him cum right inside his mouth. At this point, the pressure was getting too much for me to handle so as I uttered the words "Here I go..." Sucker boy immediately swung his body to my rod and swallowed and sucked mine down to the last drop.

Thin guy steps out. Guy to my left (formerly from my right) steps out. Sucker boy steps out. Across me were the last two guys left touching themselves. They sat four people apart. Once I've caught up with my breath, I looked at them, I smiled, stood up and stepped out with my towel loosely in tow. It was one of those moments where clique walls were down. It was one of those moments where no one seemed to mind. It was one of those moments where everyone was just too horny.

Sex does bring people together. Cliqued, loner, tripper, or plain horny Joe. What happens after is to each his own.

I could've been dead by now.

Saturday last week, I hooked up with this guy from the gym. He was my type and he wasn't my type. He was huge, muscular. The kind who can lift and plug me without my feet touching the floor. That says a lot after all, I myself am a bit massive. I like that. I like big men. I like 'em a lot. His face however was something I leave with the shadows and heat of the sauna. He wasn't ugly per se. To be kind, his face was one that I'd need a little growing on. But his tool more than made up for it. Porn star material down there. Seriously.

We were getting busy inside the gym sauna. It was one of those off hours where there was no one but us. This didn't last long. As soon as the studio class ended, other men, older men, ugly men, started pouring into the lockers, showers, and sauna. Before another person invaded our recluse, he goes "Wanna continue somewhere more private?" Next thing I knew, we were in a room in one of the nearby motels. Lights dim. Thermostat low. All bare. Arms entangled. Legs intertwined. Lips locked. Action-packed.

Amidst the kissing, licking, fondling, and hugging, a wee bit conversation took place. Jokes. Queries. Random bits of personal details. He gave me his name. He showed me his ID. I gave him an alias. He'd kiss me after each, answer, laugh, story. And after one such kiss, he pulled his head back. I looked at him and smiled. I didn't expect hearing the most bloodcurdling words come out of his mouth right after.

"You're lips are so delicious. That's a good thing. At least when I finish you off later, your friends will think that you're just sleeping." It's much scarier in our vernacular.

A good friend of mine was murdered over a year ago. My best friend's good friend was murdered a few years back. Pick-ups. Hook-ups. Mistakes. Despite my longing for a sensational death, I didn't want that to happen to me. (I'd rather have my death be involved with a big political/religious conspiracy or something to that effect.) No way was I gonna let myself be murdered by some silly hook-up with huge arms and a huge prick.

At that point my life flashed before my eyes. And as soon as my consciousness caught up with what was going on, I aimed for the nearest thing I can pull to whack him on the head with. Just in case. I wasn't gonna go down without a fight. No way.

He noticed a shift in my mood (yes, I can still keep it up despite such emotional anguish, it's a gift). He asked me what was wrong, so I told him off. He said that he was only joking. But I made it clear that what he said wasn't my idea of a joke. What happened after? We proceeded with the sex. But my other eye stayed sober, just in case he would try to pull off something. And we finished the deed.

We cleaned up, showered, and dressed up. I stayed at the far end of the room where he stood. At some point before we called for the motel staff, he was talking to me. I didn't remember what he was saying. My attention was locked on his right hand that stayed deep in his messenger bag. That was the longest two minutes I've ever faced. It could've been the last two minutes of my life. I didn't what he'd pull out of there. As the doorbell rang, he finally pulled out his hand now holding a wallet. As soon as we cleared with the staff, I calmly walked by his side out to the street and bid him farewell. I didn't care if I walked out of motel just like that. I don't think I'd have been comfortable waiting for a cab thinking I can still die at any given time.

And so I live to write another entry. haven't seen him in the gym yet. I'm pretty sure I'll bump into him. Wouldn't mind doing a little hanky-panky with him, but just in the gym premises. That I'd consider safer sex.

Of doormats, exes, make-outs, and getting caught...

Been sort of seeing this guy on and off since November last year. He is a self-confessed relationship junkie. He believes he operates better as a person when he is coupled up. I never found myself attracted to him. He wasn't my type. At all. But if there was one thing that drew me towards him, he had this positive bolt of Mr. Nice energy that's just contagious. He'd cook lunch for me. He'd invite me over for afternoon naps (since he lives near where I work). We'd have afternoon snacks at the mall. When I am with him, I just feel so good. But I am still not attracted to him. And I've told him that.

I've called him my doormat. And we were cool. We'd at most cuddle and MOMOL, a local expression for "just make out". Last week, he told me he had been seeing this other guy and that they were getting along fine. It bothered me a bit, I must admit. He was my doormat and the moment he got into a relationship, that other guy would've just pulled the rug I was standing on. While we chatted, he confessed that even before we met online in one of those sleazy sites, that he had already spotted me from a common friend's profile. He had stalked me before. And he admitted having a crush on me ever since. Can't blame him (fine, a little humility should be in order).

Didn't speak to him for a week. Earlier, I felt a bit vulnerable. The birthday (mine) was coming up and the usual stresses involved with aging just made me feel a bit down. So I chatted him up and we decided to meet up and hit the gym together around 6pm. I was outside his building and stood there for a good three minutes when I called him up telling him that I had been waiting. And all he said was "You aren't coming up?" When I rang his doorbell, he shouted that it was open. Soon as I was in, we were making out. A little bit of horsing around too. Laughing. Kissing. Rolling in bed. Clothed, don't worry. He was supposed to be getting ready for the workout so he was shirtless. But I assure you, I was covered up real well.

I was sharing with him my sentiments about hitting the gym at this hour. If I remembered correctly, my ex would workout after office hours. He was the last person I wanted to bump into right now. And I didn't want him to see me like this. Doormat got my back. We joked about the matter. "What if I hyperventilate and faint?" I asked. "I'll try to catch you." Gave me a good look and went, "I'll call for the trainers to help spot me as I carry you." Yes. I am not the lightest person on Earth. We dilly-dallied a good half hour and amidst jokes and lip-locks, we heard his door turn.

When I met doormat, he had just broken up with his boyfriend. They've been a couple for a good four years or something like that. They've travelled a lot together. And they lived together for a good year or so. Actually, they still live together. As roommates. I really don't believe him when he says there are no benefits. But his word against mine. Doormat's ex is a schoolmate of mine whom I have flirted with some five years back. Before they were together. Just online though. We never met in person.

Going back, as the door turned, doormat sprung up, fidgety and smily. As his ex walked in the room, my phone got a message. Doormat introduced me to his ex. I said hi. He said hello. Doormat was awkward. "We were on our way to the gym." The ex was in disbelief. But he just smiled and got ready for his dinner out. After the pleasantries, we stepped out and laughed so loud at the elevator. Doormat wasn't able to workout. I did. Got a good endorphin rush. Doormat was gonna go meet up with the guy he's seeing for a dinner date. My ride was ready to pick me up. We parted ways.

"It was fun. At least it wasn't my ex whom we saw." I texted him right after.