To this day, I hold on to the notion that my happy ending will come. And when it comes, contrary to how we know it, it will start something wonderful, magical and marvelous. I have dreams of being kissed under a New York streetlamp, having my feet swept off in a fancy ball in Paris, or hugged tightly under a rainy Tokyo night. You know why? Because I know I deserve it. I deserve this happy ending.
While walking the dog and ogling over hot dads and delicious men walking about the park, my friend, in his 40's, brought up the idea of happy endings. No. It's not the same concept as I depicted above. Happy ending as he used it is a term to call extra service given by masseurs after a session. Yes. It is erotic in nature. To most single men mastering their midlives, this happy ending is the most practical way to end an episode of lust, longing, and desire. At this age, most have come to a sordid understanding that love is an illusion to mask getting off on a transactional basis. Each love story is a transaction. And each ending deserves a new beginning. After all, after the film, they all have their lives to lead. And boy are these lives successful. My friend is one such character. He is no stranger to these happy endings. His happy endings. And boy is he successful.
Much to your surprise, I have never tried this kind of happy ending. I've always believed that sex should not be something I pay for. I do tend to agree that there seems to be an element of trade that happens so I might be inclined to accept his view on relations as a transaction. Perhaps I can look at commitment as a very long dedicated transaction of devotion. Lets look into that some other time. Back to my friend. I asked him if he thinks he is worth a happy ending. He was quick to say "Well, I can afford it." when I clarified that I meant my definition of happy ending. Not his. We laughed. He is open to it - my idea of happy ending. But again, he points out that he already has a life he is happily committed to. "If it comes, it comes. If not, it's fine. Besides, I am not getting any younger." We smiled and resumed watching our dogs and the men.
I believe in happy endings. I deserve one. But I don't know if it will come.
Honestly, I guess it has a lot to do with faith. If it comes, good. Great. But if it doesn't, I wouldn't know it didn't. I'd be dead by then. Hopefully. Regardless, what makes this wait worthwhile is the fact that I make it worthwhile for myself. I believe that the path to happiness should be laid down with steps of happiness. Otherwise, existence would be quite a sad affair.
Do you think you're worth a happy ending?
I used to think I am worth a happy ending. It was during a time when dreams filled me. I could see 10 years ahead on 10 different paths of life to my personal fairytale ending.
ReplyDeleteFrom simple and sweet to grand and majestic, 'Happily ever after' seemed like something very becoming of me. It didn't matter which path I take, I would be happy in the end. Of course, at the time, the only hair I had was on my head.
Over the course of those next 10 years, I would lose sight of all but one path and journey on it. It would twist, turn, slope and diverge... then there would be hurdles, obstructions. I would have no qualms and no problems passing them. Yet, each time I do, my path grew dimmer.
Metaphors aside, as of now, I only see what is in right in front of me, be it my next challenge to face, or a moment's reprieve.
I grew up, and I lost sight. I no longer see an ending, let alone a happy one. The 10 paths that I envisioned, I now live vicariously through TV and movies. I still love the endings. I just don't think they will be mine anymore.
I keep my faith that one day I will gain that sight I once had. That's one of the few things that keep me going.
This feels more like a blog post than a comment.
Good night.
Deicidal, I wish you a happy ending. :) Whether you think you deserve it or not, as Go-Go puts it, I think everyone deserves a happy ending.
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