Beat it.

Every now and then, a little "me" time is all that we need. I have this rule that I don't entertain work related calls before 9am. I get back to my people when the work clock starts ticking simply because all the time before 9am is my time. The only exception is if it's a super work emergency, my boss calling, or my bigger boss (read: president) calling. From the moment I wake up till 8.59.59am, it's all my "me" time. But that's not the "me" time I wanted to discuss. I am talking about "me" time in terms of self-help and autoerotic. Masturbation. A lot of love runs through this body, and every now and then, good old lovin' from myself is a welcome effect.

Let me tell you a touching tale of this boy, an empty steam room, and some liquid soap. He had a very happy ending.

Here's another touching tale just last Monday. Despite being down with the flu, he was able to muster bouts of strength to masturbate six times. And each round was a success.

Seriously though, masturbation is over-ratedly underrated. It's the most fun sexual activity you can have where you control everything and there's completely no drama whatsoever. Well, unless you're a schizo and have issues with your other selves, then maybe a wee bit of drama will be there. But that's a very special case. Right? As I was saying, masturbation lets you explore your sexual wirings. You can learn so much about your drives given a few hours of touching. You can find your good spots, places where you wanna be handled next time someone else handles you. You can also find the rhythms you can thrive on. Call it practice runs for quickies or marathons. You know, so the next sexual sporting event you undertake won't catch you off-guard.

Masturbation is really getting to know yourself and learning about the parts of you that don't talk or that no one talks about. Be it a quick one or a joyride along some great porn download you're watching, it's really all about you and about the love you're willing to show yourself. There's no way you could get yourself hurt. Unless that's what you want.

So slap on some lube and show your tool some lovin'.

I just did.